Zachary and I returned to Virginia late last night (both of us already missing the sand and waves of the Outer Banks and not quite ready to return to "normal life"). One reason I enjoy vacation time is because it gives me a chance to escape from the pressures and stress of daily living in the world. For a few days, all of the worries of my life can be boxed away, and I can rest and dwell in peace. At least that is what I did last week. Zachary and I spent a week doing nothing really, but playing together, lying on the sand and napping in the sun, being soothed to tranquility by the crashing waves, being elated by the simplicity of a dolphins swimming by or a sunset over the dunes. But as soon as we crossed the border into Virginia, all of the worries of "real life" began to creep out of their hiding places and invade my thoughts once more. In fact, I began to dread more and more the end of my time away.

Today is the last day of this week's vacation, so I decided to take things easy and slowly return to post-vacation life. After cooking lunch, I decided to untangle several chains of crosses and saints' medals that had become annoyingly intertwined. As I sat untying the knots, I thought about one of my favorite titles of the Mother of God- Our Lady of Knots, or Our Lady Who unties the knots. I began to think about how these knotted chains were a metaphor of my life and the fears that keep me from dwelling in God's peace. How easy it is for the things of this world to tie my heart into knots, and derail my journey towards union with God! I continued untying the knots, naming each with a fear and worry in my life, and asking Blessed Mary to untie the knots and intercede for me. I know, of course, that these problems will not simply vanish- and neither will any of yours. But, for a moment I was able to live in the awareness of God's love and the peace that God offers in the midst of the storms that rage in our lives- for a moment, I heard Jesus saying to the fears in my heart, "Peace! Be still!"

I've been re-reading a short book by Henri Nowen, The Way of the Heart, as part of required study for my postulancy to the Order of St. Anthony. Nouwen suggests that the experience of my vacation- solitude, peace, union with God, can be known in everyday life. We do not have to flee our lives and go to the desert. We can create the desert in our daily life, in which we are present with God in silence and contemplation. Sometimes, like the knotted chains, the desert is given to us a gift from God. Other times, we have to create space and time to withdraw and be still, much like Jesus did throughout his ministry. We withdraw, not to escape the world, but so that by being in God's presence, we can be transformed to return to the world and work for its transformation.

Pray and Play... a morning in Nags Head

I am on vacation this week in the North Carolina Outerbanks (one of my favorite places to go and relax and unwind). Zachary and I spent the morning lazing on the beach and jumping the waves in the crystal waters of Nags Head. Watching Zachary laugh and glow in excitement with the growing waves which crashed over and pushed us around made my heart smile with one of those "all is well in the world" smiles, which ran into the deepest parts of my soul, connecting me to that peaceful, loving presence of God which is of course always around me, but not always perceived. It was one of the most meaningful spiritual moments that I have had in recent weeks. Having him as my son is truly the greatest treasure that God has given me, and through him, I experience more and more God's love for me. I slept in today and missed morning prayer, running out to the beach with Zac instead. But our play was most definitly prayer on this day: in and through it we touched the heart of God.

Blessed Feast of the Nativity of John the Baptist

15th century icon of the Nativity of John the Baptist

St. Anne with Christ, the Blessed Virgin, and John the Baptist, Hans Baldung Grien, 1511

(never mind that John and Jesus are only 6 months different in age)

This is one of the oldest feasts in the Christian calendar, and other than the Mother of God, he is the only to have his birth celebrated. During medieval times, great parties were held as "little Christmases" and great bonfires were burnt in rembrance that Christ is the Light of the world, and that we are also called to be lights in the world. Who's ready for a party?

A blessed feast day to you all!!

Happy Fathers' Day (and Happy Summer)

St. Joseph and Jesus by John Collier.



Mosaic of the Holy Family in the apse of Westminster Cathedral



"Family by Water" by Steve Walker.



"The Spirit of Fatherhood" by Larry Poncho Brown.

What is a Monastic Vocation?

A Very Simplistic History

The earliest monks were anchorites who fled the urban centers and sought God in the solitude of the desert, living as hermits and ascetics. In time, communities formed of like- minded hermits, who would come together for prayer and Eucharist. In the 4th century, Pachomius organized the first formal community of men, and later organized a convent, in which a number of women lived with his sister. The 4th and 5th centuries saw the formation of several monastic communities, founded by such notable saints as Basil the Great, Martin of Tours, and Honoratus, Ninian (more about Celtic monasticism later). In the 6th century, a solitary hermit named Benedict left his cave near Subiaco, Italy to lead an experimental community of men who desired to live in a community following the ideas of Pachomius. This community failed, however, because many of the monks found Benedict to be too harsh- in fact they tried to poison him. Benedict returned to his cave, however his miracles and sanctity of life drew many to him. He began establishing monasteries for them, each with a Superior, but he remained Abbot over them all. His Rule, which proscribed a way of life centered in Christ and moderation in all things, became the rule of life for all monastic communities in the West, except for Celtic Communities, who allowed married monks and entrusted the abbot if each community to create its own Rule, and the Augustinians who continued to follow the Rule of St. Augustine. In the 12th century, after a conversion experience following a sermon on the Rich, young ruler who was told by Jesus to sell all of his goods and give them to the poor, St. Francis forsook all of his worldly possessions and began to live a simple life, preaching repentance and ministering to those in the town. He founded a new kind of monasticism which remained rooted in prayer, community, and simplicity, but chose to remain in the cities, among the people, reaching outward to spread the Gospel among them. Other mendicant orders were formed following his ideals, including the Dominicans, Carmelites, and the Augustinian mendicant orders.

With the Dissolution and Suppression of the Monasteries in England under Henry VIII in the 16th century, monasticism ended in England. However, many monastic communities and religious orders were founded within Anglicanism during the catholic revival in the 19th century,

including the Community of St. Mary the Virgin, the Society of St, Margaret, the Cowley Fathers (the Society of St. John the Evangelist), the Nashotah Community, and the Sisterhood of the Holy Communion. Today there are religious orders and christian communities throughout the Anglican communion, and about 2400 life professed monks and nuns. There are thousands of other oblates, associates and members of christian communities. They are diverse in their charisms and missions in the world- some cloistered and contemplative, some active in the world ministering with the poor and oppressed, some living in community, others living in solitude- but all are united in the desire to seek and know God in all persons, all places and all situations. This monastic vocation is rooted in a life of prayer and centered around a Rule of Life which frees one from the distractions of the world which eclipse the vision of God in all things. The Rule may be slightly different between the orders, but essentially guide one to live a life of moderation in all things, lived out through vows of obedience, poverty, chastity, and stability.

Why Become a Monk

So, why would I want to become a monk? Maybe it's the "Meyers-Briggs-J-ness" of my personality, or my need for structure and order, or my love for catholic practice and tradition- maybe all of those and other unknown factors which make this way of life an attractive and necessary way for me to find God and grow in holiness. I am not seeking this way of life because I am holier than other Christians who live their baptismal vocations in different ways and callings in the world- from parents and clergy to doctors, teachers, scientists, waitresses, brick masons, etc. In fact, the opposite is most likely true. I need this way of life for my own holiness as a way to find union with God.

I have a son, so I have been praying about various options which would enable me to follow the call of the Holy Spirit to a life of prayer. I thought about becoming an Oblate of an Order or a Third Order Franciscan- but none of those options seemed to fit. Religious Orders modeled after Celtic Monastic Communities seemed attractive, and even though I am not married, that seems like a path that would be a great fit for a single father. At last I have found an Anglican order that accepts married and single monks and nuns, and accepts both without distinction. Some live in community, but others live as solitaries outside of the community, but remain connected through the Rule of Life, a a vowed profession, and participation in community life with regularity throughout the year. For this time and place in my life, the former way seems to be one that is calling out to me, as it allows me to continue to minister as a parish priest, and encourages me to be a faithful father to my son.

I wait for where the Spirit will lead me. I am excited about this journey- please pray with me as I go forward on it.

Peace and Grace to All Y'all

Discerning a Monastic Vocation

When I was first ordained a priest, I was a curate at St. Thomas Episcopal Church in Savannah Georgia. Part of my duties there, which will come as no surprise to many, included ministry with youth. I not only worked with youth in the parish, but I also worked with youth in the Diocese through my membership on the Diocesan Youth Commission. I was the high church voice at summer camp and Happenings, and the youth actually loved it. I never had any problems finding someone to acolyte, especially as a thurifer. One late afternoon I was walking through the trees to the chapel to prepare for Mass, and when I arrived someone said to me, "Fr. Rob, I was watching you walk over here and couldn't stop looking because you looked like a monk walking in prayer." The comment made me smile and filled my heart with that strangely-warm feeling that Wesley wrote about.

For years I have had a yearning for monastic life. I have often made visits to monastaries, just to be there and to pray with the brothers or sisters. I always leave longing for the luxury to commit myself to more prayer and study, and wishing to be finally free of consumerism and the need of ownership. Yet, I was married, and though I am now single, I am still a father, and although I could have easily made vows and lived a simpler lifestyle, I never saw how a monastic life would ever be possible and work for me.

Over the past year or so, I have reconsidered the possibility of such a vocation. I have read about the new monasticism movement, and I have investigated more traditional monastic orders. I have decided that I would like to test a monastic vocation, and I have asked to apply for postulancy with a young monastic order in the Episcopal Church. I will not live in community, because I still feel called to be a parish priest, and because I want to be a faithful father to my son; so, I will be testing the monastic vocation as a solitary. If after the period of postulancy I still feel called to continue this journey, then I will make Simple Vows. The vows are the traditional monastic vows: obedience, stability, poverty, and chastity. What would these vows mean for me? And why do I feel called to this way of life anyway? How is it different from being being a priest or even a baptized Christian for that matter? In upcoming blog posts I will think about what a monastic vocation is, as I see it, what life as a solitary might be like, and what the vows I am being asked to make will mean for me.

I ask your prayers to accompany me on this journey.

Grace and peace to all y'all!

Blogging as a Spiritual Discipline?

It's been weeks since I have blogged anything- actually it's been since before Lent, and here we are in Ordinary Time. It's a shame, really, because I enjoy writing. My life seems so busy, though, that I just can't find time to sit and be still, pary, think, and write- which is exactly the reason why I should write more. My life is too busy. I need to make time and space to be with my thoughts and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to me through the words that I write and read, and through the images and sounds that touch my heart. So, I am going to commit to writing more in my blog as a spiritual discipline and as a means of creating more space for contemplation and prayer. Perhaps what my musings here will be only for me, and that is fine. But, if something touches you, please let me know.

Peace and Grace to all y'all

35,000 year old scultpure discovered in Germany.

The oldest ivory sculpture of the human form is found in a cave in Germany.
Check it out here

Even in the grave we make our song, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.

Today is the 6th anniversary of my Isaac's falling asleep. It amazes me to realize how my body and soul are able to "know" without even seeing a calendar that his anniversary is approaching. Easter Day was filled with great joy; for the first time since his death I was able to fully celebrate the Resurrection. And then on Monday this emptiness appeared again. Today I preached on the wounds that remained on the the body of the Resurrected Christ, and wondered if they were there because he still felt the pain of the Passion, and because he chooses to feel my pain with me. I think he does.

I'm trying to feel the joy of Eastertide, I truly am; but today there is much sadness in my heart, and yet I can pray "Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and to those in the tomb bestowing life."

Alleluia, Christ is Risen!! Isaac, rest in Our Lady's arms and pray for me.

Here are some videos from a memorial Mass said for Isaac last year at Bom Jesus Anglican Church in Rio de Janeiro. Thanks again, Mother Josi.

Thomas Sunday "My Lord and My God"

These things did Thomas hold for real:
the warmth of blood, the chill of steel,
the grain of wood, the heft of stone,
the last frail twitch of blood and bone.
His brittle certainties denied
that one could live when one had died,
until his fingers read like Braille
the markings of the spear and nail.
May we, O God, by grace believe
and, in believing, still receive
the Christ who held His raw palms out
and beckoned Thomas from his doubt.

- Thomas Troeger, 1984

Noli me tangere....

These should have been here for Tuesday, but, it's been one of those weeks.
Since Tuesday, however, I've been contemplating the reason(s) why Jesus forbade Mary from touching him or clinging onto him. None of the typical reasons are very satisfying to me; but, I am having some very fruitful prayer time with the idea that he asked not to cling on to him because the wounds were still painful. What are the implications about a Resurrected Christ who is still willing to suffer pain in order to be in solidarity with us in our pain? I still need to think about that more, but it for sure directs my heart to a God who is love.

Music from Handel

Today is the 250th anniversary of Handel's death. Enjoy these selections from his work.

Christo Anesti! Alethos Anesti!! Christ is Risen! Alleluia! Alleluia! The Lord is Risen Indeed! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Holy Saturday- the Great and Blessed Sabbath: God has fallen asleep in the flesh

Something strange is happening - there is a great silence on earth today, a great silence and stillness. The whole earth keeps silence because the King is asleep. The earth trembled and is still because God has fallen asleep in the flesh and he has raised up all who have slept ever since the world began. God has died in the flesh and hell trembles with fear.

He has gone to search for our first parent, as for a lost sheep. Greatly desiring to visit those who live in darkness and in the shadow of death, he has gone to free from sorrow the captives Adam and Eve, he who is both God and the son of Eve. The Lord approached them bearing the cross, the weapon that had won him the victory. At the sight of him Adam, the first man he had created, struck his breast in terror and cried out to everyone: “My Lord be with you all”. Christ answered him: “And with your spirit”. He took him by the hand and raised him up, saying: “Awake, O sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will give you light”.
- from an ancient homily for Holy Saturday

William Johnson- Lamentations

Good Friday

This last image is one of the stations of the cross commissioned by St. Paul's Episcopal Church, Norwalk, Connecticut, and dedicated in Lent 1995. Gwyneth Leech is the artist, and all of the stations may be seen here. These stations depict the suffering Christ in our own time, in the faces of prisoners of war, those being tortured by insurgents, etc. Pray with them, and pray for all victims of violence on this day, that the power of the Cross of Christ will bring redemption and peace to all in our world.

Triduum Contemplations

Maundy Thursday

Jesus Washing Apostle's Feet

Moravian Foot washing service

Last Supper- El Greco

Last Supper- Tinteretto

Judas' Kiss- 5th century mosaic

Betrayal- Luiz Coelho

Blessed Feast of the Annunciation

I'm not blogging for Lent- but since today gives us a break from the Lenten fast as we ponder the mysteries of the Incarnation in the visit of the Archangel to the Blessed Virgin, I thought I'd take a break from my blogging fast to share a few images of the Annunciation that feed my soul on this day.

The Annunication is one of my favorite subjects for painting- for obvious reasons if you know me- but I have often wondered why the Mother of God always looks so old, when she was most likely a teen girl. Then I found Collier's painting, which places the scene in suburbia, and portrays the Virgin as a young teen. Just brilliant!!

Annunciation- John Collier

Annunciation- St. Gabriel's, London

off for Lent

be back after Lent.....

Happy Shrove Tuesday

Mardi Gras Parade Leroy Neiman

Maslenitsa Tuesday, Boris Kustodiev

The Battle of Carnival and Lent
Pieter Brueghel the Elder

Carnaval................

Museu de Arte Naif do Brasil

Maracatu da zona da mata Marcio Melo 2002

Blessed Fra Angelico- Feb. 17

Today is the anniversary of the death of Blessed Fra Angelico, beaitified in 1982 and declared patron of catholic artists in 1984. He has always been one of my favorite artists, perhaps because the Blessed Virgin is a favorite subject for him. Enjoy these examples of his work.